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Things Are Happening – June 2, 2017


A. NCAA news

The head-coaching picture continues to fill itself in as Utah assistant Meredith Paulicivic has been named the new head at Ohio State, replacing Carey Fagan.

Team Outgoing coach Reason Incoming coach
Penn State Jeff Thompson Everything Sarah Brown
Michigan State Kathie Klages Larry Nassar
NC State Mark Stevenson Retired Kim Landrus
Georgia Danna Durante Fired Courtney Kupets
EMU Sarah Brown Fancier job
Illinois Kim Landrus …different job?
Pittsburgh Debbie Yohman Retired
Ohio State Carey Fagan Promoted Meredith Paulicivic
Alaska Paul Stoklos Retired

So it’s four down and five to go, with a significant assistant position now open at Utah as well. Tick-tock, people. June’s transparent recruiting cattle calls (I mean “summer camps”…for the kids…and the community) aren’t going to snatch all the best children provide a fun, exciting, and educational summer environment all by themselves.

You guys. This year, Georgia literally changed the name of its camp from “Gymdog Camp” to “Courtney Kupets Camp.”

Milk. That. Name recognition.

It’s like Space Camp, but instead of learning about the planets, you look at Courtney Kupets. If those kids aren’t forced to make mini Courtney Kupetses out of popsicle sticks every day, refund please.

Speaking of Courtney Kupets Camp, when are we going? Also, in actual things, Courtney announced the completion of her royal court, adding assistant coaches Charlie Tamayo and Josh Overton to her staff to do, like, the gymnastics parts or whatever. You remember Charlie Tamayo from being super good and having the layout double Arabian named after him. More recently, he was an assistant coach at Navy for the men’s team. Josh Overton has been at Chow’s and was brought on because of…Chow’s is good at bars and winning?

Oh, also this is already happening.

I’ll get the teapot.

B. National team camp

This weekend is quite a bit sparser than the last few have been in terms of actual competitions, but there’s still a bit going on.

The US women are heading back to the ranch for…national team Pride weekend? I think that’s what it is. There’s still one more pre-comp national team pool party after this one (the big July camp that also has the American Classic and the final elite qualifier), so no one’s really expected to be that good yet. Martha would want them to be at exactly 63% at this camp. And then Aly would be at 66%, and it’s like, “UGH OFF THE TEAM.”

You know it’s still not a super important camp because McCusker, Hurd, and Paulson are not in attendance.

Though we are informed that “2016 Olympic team replacement athletes Ragan Smith and Ashton Locklear are participating in the camp [so calm down you stupid goblins and don’t lose your shit on twitter, you’re fine].”

Without those words, but basically with those words.

C. Weekend events

-Sunday also marks the beginning of the German championship. Or, sorry, TURNFEST. Just so you know, I’m calling the US national championship the P&G Turnfest this year. All the major players except Tabea Alt are slated to compete, and while I don’t necessarily anticipate any changes to the chosen four (Alt, Bui, Schaefer, Seitz) once it comes time to name the worlds team, we’ll see if anyone else uses this meet to break through. I’ll have my eye on Helene Schaefer, a new senior and Pauline’s younger sister. UCLA watchers will also note that Pauline Tratz is scheduled to appear, so you can obsess over what she’s vaulting until being inevitably disappointed when she shows a full.

-Slovakia is hosting a competition headlined by Evgeniya Shelgunova, home favorite Barbora Mokosova, legit future option for Japan Hitomi Hatakeda, and at least 15 people I swear they just made up. Half of them aren’t even names.

-Belgium has a junior event this weekend, primarily an opportunity to let us see if any of the Belgian and Dutch juniors are worth losing minds over (who am I kidding, of course they are). Tisha Volleman will also compete as a guest just to go, “Check it, babies.”

-Rounding out the weekend meets is the Singapore Open, which I can’t tell you anything about because their website is exceptionally terrible. All we know is that the Singapore Open is bananas gender-fluid.

C. Routines to watch

Why Canada is excited about Ana Padurariu.

Onyshko getting 14.034 without a dismount.

Here’s Brittany going for a 6.1 D on bars.

Though I’m thinking that attempting to connect the Shap 1/2 out of the Pak would be a more fruitful project than the DLO 1/1 dismount.

Also, Marine Boyer’s ridiculously secure 14.900 on beam.

D. GymCastic

We were off this week because of Memorial Day, but we’ll be back with a doozy next week.

E. Beam routine of the week

This week is all about Oana Ban’s ridic layout full and that stretch on her switch side.

When I complain about every single switch side in NCAA except Lindsey Cheek’s, it’s because I have been spoiled by Oana Ban.

It’s a shame that the defining memory has become her pulling out of the 2004 AA final and that intro fluff where they were like, “What do normal trash people watch with their stupid faces? Reality shows? K DO THAT EXACTLY.”


While we’re at it, let’s just check out Georgia’s 2018 intro video.

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