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Things Are Happening – April 2, 2020


A. 2021 Olympic dates

As of…since the last time we did this?…the oligarchs at the IOC decided to bless the populace with new dates for the 2021 Olympics. The games of the first Waiting Makes It Even Better (?) Olympiad will begin almost exactly a year after the 2020 Olympics were supposed to start, with the Opening Ceremony slated for July 23, 2021.

OK, start the clock at 478 days. Ooof, that’s a lot of old meet recaps. I am going to rip 1978 Bulgarian Nationals TO SHREDSSSSSSS by the end of this.

Aside from the deep anxiety caused by the fact that IOC said it would take three more weeks to decide but then busted out new dates early even though YOU AREN’T FOLLOWING YOUR OWN ARBITRARY RULES, this is lovely news. The most relaxed I’ve felt in weeks. We have something to put on a schedule again. The lack of being able to make schedules of future events has been ROUGH.

These dates should make for optimal “keeping everything the same” when it comes to Olympic qualification, since the FIG could pretty comfortably press play again on the remaining qualification series starting with the equivalent events in 2021—or at least can plan to do that until the end-of-days murder-riots take over this October and we have to make some further adjustments. I call Aliya for my team. No tradesies. No takebacks.

B. Chellsie MEMMEL

This week, Chellsie Memmel got the closest she has ever come to fulfilling all of our wildest dreams and announcing an elite comeback, saying that while she’s NOT MAKING ANY COMMITMENTS, she’s toying with the idea of maybe-ish training-ish again-ish.

Knowing what the gymternet is, she’s making a daily point of telling you all to cool your jets (nice try) because she’s not actually announcing an actual comeback actually right now. But then she also keeps showing up on Twitter like, “Oops, I accidentally tripped and did a double pike beam dismount on my first try LOL ADULT GYMNASTICS AM I RIGHT?”

With the collection of skills that she posted yesterday, I mean…add a switch split connected to the back tuck and some other random C dance element and she’s already at “winning a World Challenge Cup in Croatia” level.

And that’s without doing those difficult acro skills she used to do (and could totally still do) like the barani or the Arabian—or really any code-whoring like adding random back handsprings to the end of things for series bonus or doing wolf turns.

What I’m saying is, sorry Chellsie, there’s no turning back now, you’ve unleashed the kraken, we’re forcing you to come back to do beam and floor, and I already have you at a 5.9 D score okbyeeeeeee.

C. Simone speaks

Simone produced her first interview words since the announcement of the Olympic postponement, my primary takeaway being that the only problem with print media is that I can’t make a GIF of Simone saying, “Why would I have a dumbbell, Adria?

She’s truly the voice of a quarantine.

Simone discusses her feelings about having to do this crap for another 15 months, a summary of which is basically, “I mean I’ll do it, I guess, but also guhhhhhhhhhhhh.”


All these children are popping around being like, “Let’s take these lemons and make lemonade” and Simone is like, “Could you just let me have my lemons for a sec?”

D. Meets

The Doha World Cup, which was originally scheduled for March 18th, and then was postponed to June 3rd, has been postponed for a second time, acting as a cautionary tale for events that try to be too optimistic about their resumption schedules. No future date has been announced.

So, as we stand right now, the remaining June challenge cups in Cairo, Koper, Osijek, and Mersin have not been postponed so far, now standing as the nearest events on the gymnastics calendar that haven’t yet been called off. Yet being the operative word there.

E. GymCastic

This week, we watched American Anthem and had a lot to say about Becky Cameron. Because of important work.

F. And finally

Remember that time Andrei Rodionenko gave an interview about how the Russian athletes weren’t going to American Cup because of the coronavirus, and then he had to take it back because the Russian federation decided that wasn’t the reason anymore, and then Russia held a training camp at Round Lake this month?

Well, anyway, Andrei Rodionenko has the coronavirus.

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