Great Moments in Gymnastics

1998 Reese’s Cup: Eat A Butt

13 Comments

Welcome to the 1998 Reese’s Cup.

Or, sorry, the Reese’s International Gymnastics Cup.

SO MANY NATIONS. I CAN BARELY COUNT THEM ALL.

1 – USA

And I’m done. REAL SHAME THE SENEGALESE TEAM DIDN’T MAKE THE TV EDIT.


The Magnificent Seven (left) receive flowers from the Polygamy Tragedy Six (right).

Dearest Dominique,

You look like you probably wear a XXL.

Yours always,
The 1990s

OMG THEY’RE BOTH NAMED DOMINIQUE SO WE SHOULD PUT THEM ON A TEAM TOGETHER AND CALL IT “THE UNIQUES” BECAUSE DOMINIQUE ENDS IN -NIQUE JUST LIKE UNIQUE.

Elfi: Dominique, how did you decide on the name “The Uniques”?
Dom: This is the first I’m learning of it, Cheryl

“It’ll be fun,” she said miserably.

Kim Zmeskal: Stolen

AMANDA STOP THROWING COCAINE AT EVERYONE.

Shannon: I got the best team
Everyone: You know this is just a weird exhibition, so it doesn’t, like…
Shannon: I GOT THE BEST TEAM

And a rhythmic for Kristie Phillips, bye.

We begin on beam with Dominique Celine Moceanu 90s, who has selected “My Heart Will Go On” because of…that’s like a thing right now and you have to. Continue reading 1998 Reese’s Cup: Eat A Butt →

Stuff and Nonsense

Things Are Happening – May 8, 2018

34 Comments

I’m back with a special Tuesday edition of TAH to catch up on all the action I’ve missed.

A. Alabama

Shortly following nationals this year, Alabama head coach Dana Duckworth fired assistant coach and pants enthusiast Bryan Raschilla. It was initially a fairly surprising development because they seemed to have a good thing going, but the results absolutely have not been there, culminating in missing Super Six this year for the first time since 2007.

In the gymnastics community, the reaction to Dana’s head coach tenure has been quite enthusiastic, but those who are not intimately connected with the sport don’t see the vital importance of Super Six capelets, coaching beam with the chin-elevation of a theatrical grand dame, and saying, “You are beautiful, you are lovely, go out there and enjoy this.”

I mean…

I rest my case.

Anyway, over the past few months, the Alabama pressure on Dana has been mounting for not being able to match the championship pedigree of the Sarah years thus far. Some of that is selective rose-colored memory—Alabama had occasional streaks of 6th-8th finishes under Sarah too, in a less deep national environment—but Sarah also had championships to lean back on, which Dana does not have. Alabama has fallen a step behind Florida and LSU, instead of being on par with them, and is now facing pressure from Georgia again if nationals was any indication. Continue reading Things Are Happening – May 8, 2018 →

Rankings

National Team Rankings – May 2018

1 Comment

How It Works
Taking into account all scores recorded at competitions in the last six months, each nation is given a team total based on how its best-scoring group of five senior gymnasts would do in a hypothetical 3-up, 3-count team final.

Each individual’s best scores may come from any official competition (they need not all be from the same meet), and whichever group of five gymnasts would produce the highest score is the one selected.

Countries that have not shown enough senior routines in the last six months to fill a 3-up, 3-count team on each event are not included.

Rankings will be updated on the first of each month, and scores will expire after six months in order to provide the most up-to-date snapshot of where nations are at the current moment. The current rankings include only scores from November 2017–April 2018.

Leaving the rankings this month were South Korea, Greece, Ireland, Slovenia, Croatia, Taiwan, Latvia, and Denmark, temporarily without three scores on each event in the last six months to put together a full team. Rejoining the rankings this month were Romania, Malaysia, India, and Sri Lanka.

Last month’s ranking is in parentheses. Continue reading National Team Rankings – May 2018 →

Live Blog

Pac Rims – Event Finals Live Blog

3 Comments

Watch on Flo.
Live scores, sort of.

3:30pm CT – Men’s Sr FX & Jr PH; Women’s Sr VT & Jr UB
4:05pm CT – Men’s Sr PH & Jr FX; Women’s Sr UB & Jr VT
5:10pm CT – Men’s Sr SR & Jr VT; Women’s Sr BB & Jr FX
5:45pm CT – Men’s Sr VT & Jr SR; Women’s Sr FX & Jr BB
6:50pm CT – Men’s Sr PB & Junior HB
7:25pm CT – Men’s Sr HB & Junior PB

Morgan Hurd has withdrawn from event finals after the beam dismount-pocalypse from yesterday. The surprising thing was that she competed floor after that at all. No reason to risk anything for Pac Rims event finals, even if it doesn’t seem particularly serious.

These event final lineups for the women are going to get kind of weird because of Cuba and Argentina’s participation here as guests who aren’t on the Pacific (LIKE LOSERS). Argentina was able to compete here but despite finishing 3rd as a team and Dominici finishing 3rd AA, they were not eligible for medals because of WRONG OCEANIC BORDER. In the event finals, both countries appear to be allowed to have one person compete if that person got a sufficient score, but those Cuban and Argentinian individuals are in addition to the normal qualifying 8. So some events will have 9 or 10 people competing in the event final instead of the correct number. You know how that thrills me. Continue reading Pac Rims – Event Finals Live Blog →

Because gymnastics is a comedy, not a drama