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- I, too, feel very Slovenia
- Maybe you shouldn’t be judging today if you feel that Slovenia
- Filippo Castellaro has a tattoo of a line graph
- It’s called Gymnastics Makes Achilles Feel…
- But his Achilles graph survives the floor final for a bronze medal
- Danusia Francis is on the call this week and being very kind about how the gymnasts are showing “great flexibility” in their balances
- Counterpoint
- A real missed opportunity to go “mine would be better” and then peace out of the entire broadcast
- Benjamin Osberger says what if I do a layout as a side pass? Do I win the title?
- And the judges are like…6th place, Brooklyn.
- Sabrina Voinea just lost a tenth
- Meanwhile, Anze Hribar—feeling the most Slovenia of all due to being Slovenian—only gets one OOB tenth taken for this landing to win silver
- I’m going to CAS
- Phew. Chiou Min-Han remembers to put on pants at the last second, preserving his gold
- A men’s gymnastics medal ceremony. One doesn’t have pants on. One’s just following the model right past the medal stand.
- Abomination
- On to the women’s vault final
- Always a good sign from the judges
- Your D score is the sound grrynnk
- Fetch my vaulting cloak!
- Teja Belak gets downgraded to pike
- So a gold medal, with a side order of light stabbing
- Abigail Roper is here for this meet after Emily Roper competed at Varna
- Britain, why is everything twins?
- Abigail wins vault bronze here with a lower score than Emily got for sixth place last week.
- Moving on to the one where you just go round and round and round
- Anddddd that’s my routine
- It really should be at least this long
- I can’t imagine needing more
- The coaches are not having an OK time
- It appears that floppy hair has replaced premature balding as the on-trend look for horse specialists
- The power Stephen Nedoroscik has
- But Filip Ude is a traditionalist, with a respectful bow
- A critical replay
- Kazakhstan finishes 1-2
- Is Kazakhstan just made of pommel horses?
- AI, what if Kazakhstan were made of pommel horses?
- Nope
- I mean, would watch. But nope. This is a vandalism.
- Moving on, how would one describe this bars final?
- Oh, I know. Lucija Hribar is the winner with a fall on a cast handstand
- So that’s that
- Tiegan Trafford falls on a piked jaeger, which makes her feel all kinds of feelings
- But mostly mad
- Because she ends up less than a point out of gold
- OK, I know, but I secretly love it
- Danusia is like, why is she wearing socks to do toe-on elements
- The two Gabrielas from Brazil win silver, bronze, and snack
- Oh rings, how can I stay bored at you?
- Colak rings the most rings
- And the Happiest Alternate Award goes to…
- Oh, I’m sorry, which one of us just did a triple back again?
- Was it the big furry monster?
- …No?
- Turkey goes 1-2 here. So what if you combined Turkey’s rings with Kazakhstan’s horse…
- “You can’t get deducted for your facial expressions, as far as I’m aware”
- But what if this were my floor routine?
- Artistry achieved
- Anyway, day 2!
- The game for men’s vault is, what if I’m so skewed that my hand almost Slimers off the side of the table…
- …but I hit?
- Saved it
- Tseng goes back-to-back with wins in Varna and Koper
- The big two
- He deserves a bowl
- Checking to see if there’s candy in the party favors
- Bronze medal
- -0.1, poor work in relevé
- Also can you stop doing tai chi in the background of these beam routines please
- If you aren’t mounting beam with a layout stepout, I can’t even look at you
- We have 5 layout stepouts, one back handspring, one switch leap, and one candle
- And zero just sitting there like an object
- Fenton saves her layout stepout mount with the most saving, which equals gold medal
- Danusia is handing out Prettiest Fingers merit badges
- E-Judge 5 says, “I hate you on a personal level”
- Also let’s talk about how her final E score was 5.800.
- The beam coaches have more of an “oh my god you stayed on” thing
- When wolf turns attack 2025
- The announcer says, “just go here in the corner”
- Agreed
- This is stolen, by the way
- We CANNOT resist a closeup of chalk
- Chalk here
- Chalk there
- Chalk chalk chalk
- Apparently it is fascinating. So crumbly. So…chalk.
- Cameron-Lie Bernard uses the most chalk, whichmeans he wins PBars
- Marcus is not sure whether all his cool points were added in
- Colak says gymnastics is fun
- On to floor, where this week there is nary a haunted marionette in sight
- Maybe 1?
- I don’t know where I am
- These routines are all about sneaking to an abandoned warehouse casino that’s also an illicit club
- Or finally breaching the ancient tomb only to find it is full of modern booby traps
- Or showing that you don’t have to wait to go to Alabama for your floor music to be mostly lasers
- Just some planned and intended rolling
- But Julia Coutinho’s routine theme is just what if i did whip double Arabian while being Brazilian
- So, the winner
- Oh I know, let’s mic high bar so that every giant swing sounds like a goose with a gallstone
- But also do it
- Bitencourt’s coach sticks for gold
- Exactly how much shit would the Wolf Eye Nipples leo get in WAG?
- Anyway, we’re done
