• I, too, feel very Slovenia

• Maybe you shouldn’t be judging today if you feel that Slovenia

• Filippo Castellaro has a tattoo of a line graph

• It’s called Gymnastics Makes Achilles Feel…

• But his Achilles graph survives the floor final for a bronze medal

• Danusia Francis is on the call this week and being very kind about how the gymnasts are showing “great flexibility” in their balances

• Counterpoint

• A real missed opportunity to go “mine would be better” and then peace out of the entire broadcast

• Benjamin Osberger says what if I do a layout as a side pass? Do I win the title?

• And the judges are like…6th place, Brooklyn.

• Sabrina Voinea just lost a tenth

• Meanwhile, Anze Hribar—feeling the most Slovenia of all due to being Slovenian—only gets one OOB tenth taken for this landing to win silver

• I’m going to CAS

• Phew. Chiou Min-Han remembers to put on pants at the last second, preserving his gold

• A men’s gymnastics medal ceremony. One doesn’t have pants on. One’s just following the model right past the medal stand.

• Abomination

• On to the women’s vault final

• Always a good sign from the judges

• Your D score is the sound grrynnk

• Fetch my vaulting cloak!

• Teja Belak gets downgraded to pike

• So a gold medal, with a side order of light stabbing

• Abigail Roper is here for this meet after Emily Roper competed at Varna

• Britain, why is everything twins?

• Abigail wins vault bronze here with a lower score than Emily got for sixth place last week.

• Moving on to the one where you just go round and round and round

• Anddddd that’s my routine

• It really should be at least this long

• I can’t imagine needing more

• The coaches are not having an OK time

• It appears that floppy hair has replaced premature balding as the on-trend look for horse specialists

• The power Stephen Nedoroscik has

• But Filip Ude is a traditionalist, with a respectful bow

• A critical replay

• Kazakhstan finishes 1-2

• Is Kazakhstan just made of pommel horses?

• AI, what if Kazakhstan were made of pommel horses?

• Nope

• I mean, would watch. But nope. This is a vandalism.

• Moving on, how would one describe this bars final?

• Oh, I know. Lucija Hribar is the winner with a fall on a cast handstand

• So that’s that

• Tiegan Trafford falls on a piked jaeger, which makes her feel all kinds of feelings

• But mostly mad

• Because she ends up less than a point out of gold

• OK, I know, but I secretly love it

• Danusia is like, why is she wearing socks to do toe-on elements

• The two Gabrielas from Brazil win silver, bronze, and snack

• Oh rings, how can I stay bored at you?

• Colak rings the most rings

• And the Happiest Alternate Award goes to…

• Oh, I’m sorry, which one of us just did a triple back again?

• Was it the big furry monster?

• …No?

• Turkey goes 1-2 here. So what if you combined Turkey’s rings with Kazakhstan’s horse…

• “You can’t get deducted for your facial expressions, as far as I’m aware”

• But what if this were my floor routine?

• Artistry achieved

• Anyway, day 2!

• The game for men’s vault is, what if I’m so skewed that my hand almost Slimers off the side of the table…

• …but I hit?

• Saved it

• Tseng goes back-to-back with wins in Varna and Koper

• The big two

• He deserves a bowl

• Checking to see if there’s candy in the party favors

• Bronze medal

• -0.1, poor work in relevé

• Also can you stop doing tai chi in the background of these beam routines please

• If you aren’t mounting beam with a layout stepout, I can’t even look at you

• We have 5 layout stepouts, one back handspring, one switch leap, and one candle

• And zero just sitting there like an object

• Fenton saves her layout stepout mount with the most saving, which equals gold medal

• Danusia is handing out Prettiest Fingers merit badges

• E-Judge 5 says, “I hate you on a personal level”

• Also let’s talk about how her final E score was 5.800.

• The beam coaches have more of an “oh my god you stayed on” thing

• When wolf turns attack 2025

• The announcer says, “just go here in the corner”

• Agreed

• This is stolen, by the way

• We CANNOT resist a closeup of chalk

• Chalk here

• Chalk there

• Chalk chalk chalk

• Apparently it is fascinating. So crumbly. So…chalk.

• Cameron-Lie Bernard uses the most chalk, whichmeans he wins PBars

• Marcus is not sure whether all his cool points were added in

• Colak says gymnastics is fun

• On to floor, where this week there is nary a haunted marionette in sight

• Maybe 1?

• I don’t know where I am

• These routines are all about sneaking to an abandoned warehouse casino that’s also an illicit club

• Or finally breaching the ancient tomb only to find it is full of modern booby traps

• Or showing that you don’t have to wait to go to Alabama for your floor music to be mostly lasers

• Just some planned and intended rolling

• But Julia Coutinho’s routine theme is just what if i did whip double Arabian while being Brazilian

• So, the winner

• Oh I know, let’s mic high bar so that every giant swing sounds like a goose with a gallstone

• But also do it

• Bitencourt’s coach sticks for gold

• Exactly how much shit would the Wolf Eye Nipples leo get in WAG?

• Anyway, we’re done