A. 2021 Olympic dates

As of…since the last time we did this?…the oligarchs at the IOC decided to bless the populace with new dates for the 2021 Olympics. The games of the first Waiting Makes It Even Better (?) Olympiad will begin almost exactly a year after the 2020 Olympics were supposed to start, with the Opening Ceremony slated for July 23, 2021.

OK, start the clock at 478 days. Ooof, that’s a lot of old meet recaps. I am going to rip 1978 Bulgarian Nationals TO SHREDSSSSSSS by the end of this.

Aside from the deep anxiety caused by the fact that IOC said it would take three more weeks to decide but then busted out new dates early even though YOU AREN’T FOLLOWING YOUR OWN ARBITRARY RULES, this is lovely news. The most relaxed I’ve felt in weeks. We have something to put on a schedule again. The lack of being able to make schedules of future events has been ROUGH.

Just kidding, no they’re not, obviously. But here’s the latest on the Nothing.

• The IOC confirmed (in true IOC fashion, with the actual news coming in the fourth paragraph after we talk about how great all the administrators are for six hours) that the Tokyo Olympics would not be held in 2020, but “will” be held by the summer of 2021. Let’s hope so. I can’t take much more of this, and it’s somehow still March.

• Supposedly, we’ll be receiving the finalized dates for the Nu-lympics in about three weeks. If I were the IOC, I’d select dates as pessimistically as possible because we don’t know anything now and still won’t know anything in three weeks—but experience has shown that I’m definitely not the IOC. Even with an extra year, I’m sure we’d still end up engaging in the biennial tradition of athletes arriving at the Olympic Village housing and posting pictures like, “So, the toilet is on the ceiling and the bed is mice. How. Why.”