Can I break some news to you? There are guys in this competition. I know. Weird, right? Here are the scoresheets for tomorrow’s (tonight’s) opening day of Koheichella 2015.

The women’s qualification finished today, and I’m still slightly unclear about whether it was a fever dream or real life. Aly Raisman is inconsistent now, or something, and I don’t really understand what to do with that. At least no one tried to perform a Dirty Romania on us, so that’s always a positive.

DAY 2:
-Welp, the US went today. As expected, the Pink Eagles are leading by roughly a googol. That said, it didn’t go super awesomely awesome. They had three falls, which according to the Martha Rules, is six falls too many. When a third of the team is having a near emotional breakdown in the post-meet interview, you know it wasn’t an ideal day.

-The biggest news was that Carmen Sandiego stole Aly Raisman and replaced her with some nervous, erratic hot pink replica. Aly threw herself out of bounds on her opening floor pass, won the gold medal in the triple jump on her vault landing, and then 2010-2011ed her bars routine. Fortunately, in true “Here’s my beam-ah! NEXT BEAM-AH!” fashion, she came back and was solid enough to be useful on beam, although she did not get D panel credit for…really anything. The judges were just like, “No skills here…”  The US filed a petition on the D score, which Nellie Kim threw immediately into the round circular filing system in the corner of the room. Raisman won’t advance to any event finals or the all-around, though she will advance to an awesome narrative for next Trials season, so that’s something. I’M FULL OF REDEMPTION.

-Aren’t you really impressed that I got through two whole paragraphs before turning into a barrel of slime about the Maggie Nichols AA qualification situation? Because I am. I’ll just say this: Maggie would have needed a 12.985 on bars to take the second US AA final spot. And after that, I’m just going to stare straight ahead and blink a whole lot. Once Martha is done yelling at the team, she needs to buy Maggie an apology alpaca or something. Whatever they use for currency in Karolyiopolis. Because Maggie got hosed by the system here. Fight the power!
Continue reading Worlds 2015 – You Guys, I Think We Broke the Aly Raisman →