On to day 2 of the 2004 Olympic Trials competition. And by competition, I mean blathering for two hours while people warm up, with four routines thrown in as a treat. Also a treat, the live team announcement and ceremonial awarding of the emotional trauma and resentment.
-The TJ MAXX TOUR OF CHAMPIONS is coming to your home town!!!!!!!!! What if you called that number right now and tried to get tickets? “I just want to see Carly Patterson!”
-The “TJ Maxx tour of champions” is also what I call the grocery store on a Sunday morning.
-“You will marvel as these gymnasts deliver gymnastics.” TWIST.
-Oh, your senses will be kick-started all right. Particularly your senses of shame and regret.
-Interpretive ode to the red-light district?
-And now, let’s begin.
-Ooooh, a flashback episode! “Previously, on the manipulative nightmare that is the Olympic Trials broadcast history, everyone’s life was garbage…”
-It’s really important to start with an “it’ll end in tears” montage. Just to set the tone of the proceedings. Ladies, learn from this. Blubbering is the only goal.
-Elise Ray is crying. Shannon Miller is crying. Alyssa Beckerman is crying. Beth Rybacki is crying. Obviously. Beth Rybacki is a Native American origin story of how the Great Lakes came to be. Which one’s happy? Which one’s sad? It doesn’t matter. TEARS!
-Al is doing a pretty good job reminiscing about how traumatic that 2000 team announcement debacle was (raw, disorganized, abrupt, and unnecessary public and painful), but it’s hard to tell whether that’s supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing. Given the forthcoming 2004 announcement, I’m thinking it’s supposed to be a good thing. “Imagine your worst nightmare. I can’t wait to watch all of it.”
-Yes, Bela decided to step down after 2000. Everyone else was going, “Please continue, Bela! It went so well! We love and need you!” That’s what happened.
-Turn back the clock to when Martha was also appearing as Sister Margaretta/Understudy Maria in Bucharest’s longest-running production of The Sound of Music.
-When I was in elementary school, my haircut of choice was The Martha. #styleicon
Continue reading 2004 Olympic Trials Part 2: Courtney McCool’s Comedy Oil Change