Things Are Happening – December 5, 2019

A. Intrasquad Weekend

Thursday, December 5
6:30pm MT – Arizona State – Maroon & Gold – Web Stream

Friday, December 6
4:00pm ET – Towson – Black & Gold
6:00pm ET – Ursinus – Red & Gold
6:30pm ET – William & Mary – Green & Gold
7:00pm ET – Maryland – Red & Black
7:00pm ET – Rhode Island – Maroon & Gold
6:30pm CT – Oklahoma Intrasquad
6:30pm CT – La Crosse v. Winona Exhibition
7:15pm CT – LSU Gym 101 – SEC+ Stream
7:00pm PT – Sacramento State – Flipfest

Saturday, December 7
12:00pm CT – Iowa – Black & Gold
12:00pm CT – Gustavus Adolphus – Black & Gold Meet
4:00pm ET – Michigan v. CMU v. EMU v. WMU Exhibition – BTN+/Flo
4:00pm ET – New Hampshire – Meet the Team
6:00pm CT – TWU – Holiday Spectacular

Sunday, December 8
1:00pm ET – Kent State Intrasquad
1:00pm ET – Ball State – Red & White
12:00pm PT – Cal Intrasquad
2:00pm AT – Alaska – Green & Gold

B. The Only One He Ever Feared

Simone announced yesterday that she’s going to be headlining her own post-Olympic tour next year—with just a few cool people and you better be one of them beyotch.

I love this. I mean, I don’t because it’s called “Gold Over America” and sounds like an insufferable cheeseball factory that I would obviously hate every second of. (But will definitely do a GIF recap.)

But I love that it exists, mostly because it is Steve Penny’s actual biggest nightmare. The idea that a gymnast would become so good and so famous that she would realize she doesn’t need USAG’s big bag of bullshit and doesn’t owe the organization anything and can instead just forge her own money making tour without padding the organization’s pockets in any way…he was so scared. That’s why he tried to become Simone’s agent, why he would make people sign the tour agreement before trials when they were too scared to have demands, and why when Aly messaged him to say “hey maybe investigate sexual abuse pls” he responded with “GRRR SIGN YOUR TOUR AGREEMENT BYE.”

That is why I love Simone’s upcoming Fuck You Steve Tour of America.

C. There’s Gymnastics Happening?


This year’s Voronin Cup was not the most heavily attended that we’ve seen, with most of the top elites taking a pass. Uliana Perebinosova won the AA title, Anastasia Agafonova won the bars title, and Maria Kharenkova took the beam and floor titles.

In Russian junior news, Yana Vorona upset Viktoria Listunova to win the all-around title at Massilia, and Vladislava Urazova won the title at Top Gym by about 800 points. Urazova also won the VT, UB, and FX event titles, while Elena Gerasimova took BB.

In non-Russian news, Elisabeth Seitz won the AA title in the Bundesliga final, ahead of Kim Bui in second and Tisha Volleman in third.

D. NCAA Training

  • Kentucky has some important routines to show you.
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🎥 November work for March payoff 😤.

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(To answer your questions: that’s Shealyn Luksik on bars in the first video, Josie Angeny on bars in the fourth video, and Arianna Patterson on vault in the fifth video.)

  • Utah has intrasquad highlights

  • Introducing Sabrina “I still do bars” Vega.
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ICYMI: 🔴vs⚫️ #GloryGlory | #GoDawgs

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(Also a brief shot of a bars lineup, which I paused on because we know what we’re about, and it was Roberts, Dickson, Lukacs, Hattaway, Oakley, De Jong.)

  • Florida is showing off loso loso series

  • Denver has some bits and pieces

  • And Washington has intrasquad highlights. (I just have some questions about what some of those vault entries were…)

E. GymCastic

No new episode this week, but you can catch up on our most recent Gymternet news episode: “Did Everyone Know But Me?”

28 thoughts on “Things Are Happening – December 5, 2019”

  1. Ummmmm was that Katie Heenan coaching in the Georgia video??
    Werk Courtney, if so.

  2. Like, on one hand I love the Simone tour thing because it’s a giant middle finger to Steve Penny. On the other hand, I don’t love it because it feels like Val is riding Simone’s coattails the same way she does Ohashi’s, and it’s just…ugh.

    And it does kind of make me wonder why Val left UCLA. Because this clearly isn’t a “I’m gonna hang out on my porch with a cocktail” retirement. She’s still very much in the game, just in a different way. I wonder why she decided doing stuff like this was preferable to her comparatively stable gig at UCLA.

    1. you act like Val somehow implanted this idea into Simone’s head. she was probably approached with the opportunity and couldn’t resist saying no to the opportunity.

      when she ‘retired’ from her head coach role she did say she would be focusing on other projects. retirement doesn’t (and shouldn’t) mean she’s just going to sit around and wither away doing nothing.

      1. I doubt Val is exploiting either Katelyn or Simone. They’re both adults, teaming up with another adult who seems to manage to squeeze money of athletes’ careers while sharing it with them and at least appearing to have a respectful business relationship not based on threats and lies.

        I’m just disappointed because everything Val touches becomes so tacky, fake, derivative, and boring. I wish she would go away. But people love her and her schtick.

      2. I’m just wondering how you have come to the conclusion that “everything thing Val touches becomes tacky, fake, etc…”? This is coming from someone who doesn’t “love her schtick”, but I do know she works on a lot of different projects without advertising it. It seems ridiculous to say everything she touches is tacky. She’s been choreographing shows at Sea World for like 2 decades. I mean, I’ve never seen them, so maybe they are “tacky and derivative” but I would doubt it. I’m honestly not the biggest fan of most of her floor routine choreography, but if you can choreograph a show for Sea World, that seems like an appropriate person to choreograph for a gymnastics tour.

      3. how I came to the conclusion…??? I don’t like anything I’ve ever seen her done. Am I seriously obligated to go through Val’s catalog of activities and check them all to make sure I do, indeed, find them tacky before I can say so online?

        Tacky, derivative, boring is a subjective assessment. It is my opinion. YOU can disagree and find all her work delightful. But trying to fact check me on whether I do or do not like Val Kondos’s “work” with “but have you seen her Sea World choreography?!?!!” is just ridiculous. (for the record… I’m pretty sure I would find any “choreography” at Sea World tacky, as that’s really not my kinda thing).

        I’m sure she is a perfectly appropriate person to choreograph for a gymnastics tour, something also I think is tacky to begin with.

    2. I’m very much with you. Val’s no Steve Penny, but I don’t trust that she’s doing this in the gymnasts’ interests, Simone most of all. Hopefully she’ll make sure the beam’s not a slip and slide this time.

      1. I don’t think the power dynamic and ownership are right for Val to really be doing this “for” the gymnasts involved. It’s Simone’s tour. Val is an employee. If she had started the tour and was recruiting athletes to participate, it would be different.

        To me it makes complete sense that Val wants to do something that is all about performance and leaves the technical gymnastics all behind. That’s always been where her heart is. After cancer and decades at UCLA it does make sense that she wants to focus in on her real passion.

    3. Because this … isnt coaching?

      When football coaches leave theor jobs and commentate do you question them?

      Being a head coach at a D1 school is an all year around job and involves a lot more than being in the gym. Why would not wanting to do that have anything to do with doing a fun tour for at most a few months?

  3. Well, let’s see. Successful author, in-demand choreographer and motivational speaker, numerous TV and upcoming Ted Talk appearances, and now Executive Producer and Lead Choreographer for a post-Olympic show featuring the greatest gymnast of all-time. Seems like her plate is pretty full.

  4. Let’s be honest, Val ‘retired’ because she illegally took kick backs and allowed non-gymnasts onto her team in the NCAA Admissions Scandal. I’m sure the program is trying to distance itself as much as possible from her and her actions.

    1. Obviously I know about Maria Caire, but I haven’t heard about the kick backs. What’s the source on that?

      1. Not claiming any knowledge beyond what’s publicly available, but the JP Morgan kid’s recruitment stinks to high heaven.

    2. I wish you were right, but the total lack of consequences she seems to be facing, from anyone, makes me doubt it.

  5. LSU looked great in Gym 101. Sarah Edwards threw a very nice DLO on floor, Kyia Johnson was very solid in all 4 events and that junior class overall really stepped up

    1. Please tell me the name of that event isn’t an homage to Tim’s stupid catchphrase.

  6. Well the 2020 medal podium just got interesting…

    Russia has been banned from ALL Olympic and World competitions for the next FOUR years due to doping issues.

    1. Their athletes that are found to be not involved in any of the doping scandals will be allowed to compete as “athletes from Russia” but under the Olympic flag, like they did at the 2018 Winter Olympics.

      1. The Russian athletes still have to prove they’re clean – they should have to do a doping test before every practice up to the 2020 Olympics.

        FYI – But the Russians still have the authority to participate and meddle in the 2020 USA Presidential election.

  7. I realize I’m super late to this party, but espn just alerted me to the fact that simone’s tour can be abbreviated GOAT 🐐. And this is intentional. I now love the tour name.

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