Just kidding, no they’re not, obviously. But here’s the latest on the Nothing.
The IOC confirmed (in true IOC fashion, with the actual news coming in the fourth paragraph after we talk about how great all the administrators are for six hours) that the Tokyo Olympics would not be held in 2020, but “will” be held by the summer of 2021. Let’s hope so. I can’t take much more of this, and it’s somehow still March.
Supposedly, we’ll be receiving the finalized dates for the Nu-lympics in about three weeks. If I were the IOC, I’d select dates as pessimistically as possible because we don’t know anything now and still won’t know anything in three weeks—but experience has shown that I’m definitely not the IOC. Even with an extra year, I’m sure we’d still end up engaging in the biennial tradition of athletes arriving at the Olympic Village housing and posting pictures like, “So, the toilet is on the ceiling and the bed is mice. How. Why.”
IOC member Dick Pound (see, it’s funny because dick means penis) spilled the beans as he usually does, this time revealing that the IOC has decided to postpone the Tokyo Olympics. Neither the IOC nor Tokyo have actually said anything official about that, but this has seemed inevitable and obvious for multiple days now, so we’re all jumping on this opportunity finally to treat it like it’s real instead of dancing around the idea.
Just yesterday, the IOC announced a four-week window in which to make a decision, but that now seems to have been more about determining the logistics of a postponement (which are many, and complicated) rather than actually deciding whether to postpone.
Even before this latest news, the Canadian and Australian committees announced that they wouldn’t send athletes to a 2020 Olympics, even if it were held, and you can be sure none of us would accept the concept of an Olympics without Ellie Black. That was the nail in the coffin.