Things Are Happening – April 2, 2020

A. 2021 Olympic dates

As of…since the last time we did this?…the oligarchs at the IOC decided to bless the populace with new dates for the 2021 Olympics. The games of the first Waiting Makes It Even Better (?) Olympiad will begin almost exactly a year after the 2020 Olympics were supposed to start, with the Opening Ceremony slated for July 23, 2021.

OK, start the clock at 478 days. Ooof, that’s a lot of old meet recaps. I am going to rip 1978 Bulgarian Nationals TO SHREDSSSSSSS by the end of this.

Aside from the deep anxiety caused by the fact that IOC said it would take three more weeks to decide but then busted out new dates early even though YOU AREN’T FOLLOWING YOUR OWN ARBITRARY RULES, this is lovely news. The most relaxed I’ve felt in weeks. We have something to put on a schedule again. The lack of being able to make schedules of future events has been ROUGH.

These dates should make for optimal “keeping everything the same” when it comes to Olympic qualification, since the FIG could pretty comfortably press play again on the remaining qualification series starting with the equivalent events in 2021—or at least can plan to do that until the end-of-days murder-riots take over this October and we have to make some further adjustments. I call Aliya for my team. No tradesies. No takebacks.

B. Chellsie MEMMEL

This week, Chellsie Memmel got the closest she has ever come to fulfilling all of our wildest dreams and announcing an elite comeback, saying that while she’s NOT MAKING ANY COMMITMENTS, she’s toying with the idea of maybe-ish training-ish again-ish.

Knowing what the gymternet is, she’s making a daily point of telling you all to cool your jets (nice try) because she’s not actually announcing an actual comeback actually right now. But then she also keeps showing up on Twitter like, “Oops, I accidentally tripped and did a double pike beam dismount on my first try LOL ADULT GYMNASTICS AM I RIGHT?”

With the collection of skills that she posted yesterday, I mean…add a switch split connected to the back tuck and some other random C dance element and she’s already at “winning a World Challenge Cup in Croatia” level.

And that’s without doing those difficult acro skills she used to do (and could totally still do) like the barani or the Arabian—or really any code-whoring like adding random back handsprings to the end of things for series bonus or doing wolf turns.

What I’m saying is, sorry Chellsie, there’s no turning back now, you’ve unleashed the kraken, we’re forcing you to come back to do beam and floor, and I already have you at a 5.9 D score okbyeeeeeee.

C. Simone speaks

Simone produced her first interview words since the announcement of the Olympic postponement, my primary takeaway being that the only problem with print media is that I can’t make a GIF of Simone saying, “Why would I have a dumbbell, Adria?

She’s truly the voice of a quarantine.

Simone discusses her feelings about having to do this crap for another 15 months, a summary of which is basically, “I mean I’ll do it, I guess, but also guhhhhhhhhhhhh.”


All these children are popping around being like, “Let’s take these lemons and make lemonade” and Simone is like, “Could you just let me have my lemons for a sec?”

D. Meets

The Doha World Cup, which was originally scheduled for March 18th, and then was postponed to June 3rd, has been postponed for a second time, acting as a cautionary tale for events that try to be too optimistic about their resumption schedules. No future date has been announced.

So, as we stand right now, the remaining June challenge cups in Cairo, Koper, Osijek, and Mersin have not been postponed so far, now standing as the nearest events on the gymnastics calendar that haven’t yet been called off. Yet being the operative word there.

E. GymCastic

This week, we watched American Anthem and had a lot to say about Becky Cameron. Because of important work.

F. And finally

Remember that time Andrei Rodionenko gave an interview about how the Russian athletes weren’t going to American Cup because of the coronavirus, and then he had to take it back because the Russian federation decided that wasn’t the reason anymore, and then Russia held a training camp at Round Lake this month?

Well, anyway, Andrei Rodionenko has the coronavirus.

44 thoughts on “Things Are Happening – April 2, 2020”

    1. I think i remember reading somewhere that the more definitive criteria is two consecutive negatives test 24-48 hrs apart

  1. Chellsie Memmel 1-Minute Beam Routine 2021:

    Side Aerial (D) + Arabian (F) (0.2)
    Flic (B) + Piked Arabian/Memmel (G) (0.2)
    Front Aerial (D) + Straddle 1/1 (D) + Split Jump (B) (0.3)
    Y-Turn (C) + Illusion Turn (D) (0.1)
    Round-off (B) + Double Pike (E)

    D score = 6.5!

    Another routine which works well also:
    Side Aerial (D) + LOSO (C) + LOSO (C) (0.4)
    Flic (B) + Arabian (F) (0.2)
    Front Aerial (D) + Straddle 1/1 (D) + Split Jump (B) (0.3)
    Illusion Turn (D)
    Side Split Jump 1/2 (D)
    Round-off (B) + Double Pike (E)

    D score = 6.4!

  2. Literally jolted when I saw Chelsie Memmel and comeback put together. I CANT WAIT OMG

      1. More so in 2006 than in 2003. After injuring herself on UB she had to continue on and compete BB and FX because if she didn’t the US team would have counted two zeroes. Marta punished Kelley and Priessman for their prelim errors on BB and benched them from team finals, not even putting them as alternates on events. That left Sacramone, Bieger, and Memmel to do BB/FX with Liukin as alternate. She couldn’t even do a BB or FX if she had to. Marta was super lucky that Memmel is a fierce competitor and fought through to help secure silver.

      2. woah, shit, i didn’t remember that til now…lol…marta wrath has no limit i guess….

        Funny thing is that yr several other teams also decided to ban 1 or even two team members….only russia and ukraine used all 6. romania and brazil also sat 2 from TF..everyone else bench one.

  3. I mean, it kinda-sorta makes sense that the Russians would look at all the US and China athletes unable to train and be like THIS IS OUR CHANCE, but my god what a bunch of morons.

    How long until Khorkina says the Coronavirus is the universe’s revenge for Carly winning in 2004?

      1. I cannot believe that WhorekyKUNT actually said this aloud. Wonder how many blow jobs PUTA requires from her daily?

  4. Surprised WHOREky hasn’t already screamed that COVID-19 isn’t GAWUD’S WILL AND REVENGE (BOZHE MOY, BITCH!) for Carly winning in 2004, Raducan winning in 2000, and LilyPod winning in 1996!

  5. CHELLSIE 2021!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Anyone else nervous about setting the dates before a vaccine is out? The vaccine should take another 12-18 months. Anyone who gets coronavirus and gets immunity could lose it in five months to a year or so as it mutates… We don’t know anything yet! I want them to happen as fast as safely possible, but I’m nervous there could be another postponement and they’re just rushing to pick a date for financial reasons. I don’t think large public sporting events will be feasible until there is a vaccine.

    1. I bet a lot of it has to do with various insurance policies…companies can recoup their losses via insurance if they can show there was a plague or some act of god that forced them to cancel, rather than “choosing” to do it.

    2. Yeah I’m with you. Seems like this thing could easily affect us through the winter of 21-22. Maybe May/June of 2022 we will be getting back to normal??

  7. Bless Chellsie for giving us some actual current gymnastics to be excited about!

  8. Can we just set up Chellsie and someone from another country on a blind date and see where it goes? Most any other country would kill to have her on their team. What’s her ancestry? She could totally be the next Chuso. I know some single guys in Switzerland and in Australia… call me, girl!

    1. lol if you’re in Switzerland you should also know how long it takes to get Swiss citizenship, even if you’re married to a Swiss person.

      Not to mention she isn’t single.

  9. Yeah, just bit of a joke! lol – I didn’t know she had TWO kids, though! (Swiss citizenship might be easier with gymnastics like that!) She looks just amazing. Chellsie rocks!

    1. You can hear them at the end of the video – “Go mamma! Go mamma!” So frickin sweet

    1. @Anonymous–What a slimy little toad you are. And, even worse, a toad with the acuity and esthetic sense of Anus Tangerinus.

  10. I love Chellsie and would love to see her make a comeback. However, I’m not getting my hopes up too much just yet about a comeback. Beam is the easiest event to get back as far as fitness and wear and tear on the body. Given that beam is the only event we’ve seen her do any real skills on, I’m hesitant to get too excited just yet. I would absolutely love it if she made a comeback, but I want to see some skills on one or more of the other apparatuses before I get my hopes up too much.

  11. Simone’s interviews were mostly framed as “Simone’s not sure her mental health will hold up, also she’s old”.
    What I’m reading is: USAG screwed up so badly and continues to cover up for people who *protected a serial abuser*, that a superstar of the sport, a once-in-a-generation talent who is the freaking FACE of the Olympics is not sure she wants to continue pursuing the sport because dealing with HER sports organization that should be in HER corner has been such an absolute nightmare.
    These people enabled her trauma, and they continue to protect themselves over her and the other athletes. She is beyond strong to be able to even be in a room with them, much less put herself in a situation where she depends on them in any way (like camp, or a national team assignment). USAG is such trash.

    1. WHAT. YOU. SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    2. “blah blah simone is the only gymnast who matters blah blah”

      I won’t miss her. I’m sick of everybody else being waved off as Unimportant Not-Simones. She’s got some uber-difficult tricks but her artistry is pedestrian at best and she can only do back tumbling anyway. Yawn. Give me someone who can actually swing bars, do a beam routine with some actual flow, and has legit artistry on floor any day.

      1. Personally I love Simone as a gymnast and think she’s reasonable as a public figure (not my favorite, but no real complaints!) and I’m still tired of having to hear about her all the time.

        She is the single most privileged gymnast who has to deal with this postponement right now. It absolutely sucks how she’s been treated by USAG and I support her sticking it to them any chance she gets, but beyond that – she has buckets of medals and nothing left to prove. She’s never had to miss a major competition due to injury. She’s financially set for life and doesn’t need to balance a college-vs-pro decision or anything else. If she needs to quit before Tokyo for her own mental health, she can do so with the lightest heart of pretty much every currently competing gymnast.

        Personally I hope she doesn’t, but it wouldn’t be the ~horrible tragedy~ that media and fans are making it out to be.

      2. Sweetiepie, Biles now does better bars with better technique than most of the US team. Beam–Why don’t you go masturbate to some more overrated no-talent Kara Eaker and cream every time she misses yet another split ring position? As for floor, your idea of ‘artistry’ is right in your cloaca, where you keep your head at all times. Your insane jealousy is really hilarious–you have no idea what a snivelling little CU Next Tuesday you come off as 😀

      3. It’s an odd situation because on one hand, Simone is absolutely the most privileged and least negatively impacted (by the postponement) gymnast of the pool currently vying for Tokyo.

        On the other hand, she’s literally the only current US gymnast that the Minivan Majority has heard of, so if you’re going to put a face to the unique problems this postponement poses for female gymnasts, Simone is the logical choice. Is someone like Grace McCallum more harmed by this? Sure, but no one knows who she is and far fewer people would care.

    3. I don’t understand why she didn’t make up her mind in time and changed her FIG licence. If I understand correctly she has the citizenship from Belize. She could have easily secured an individual Olympic spot for herself. She doesn’t really need USAG, she doesn’t need the national camps…

      1. My understanding is that her ability to compete for another federation is dependent on USAG releasing her, otherwise there is quite a wait? Can someone chime in on this?
        She could have shamed USAG hard to release her, but would it work? Could they really look worse in the public eye than they already do? Maybe if she petitioned to change federations right after 2016, but she had a lot on her mind at the time.

      2. Simone would still be marketable if she competed for Belize, but her marketability and earning potential would certainly take a hit.

      3. So it’s about money? While understandable, that would be disappointing.
        Now of course it is too late – but in general I think if one is unhappy with a situation, and has the possibility to change it, one absolutely should. Sometimes it is better to be true to oneself than to follow the advice of one’s financial advisors.

      4. She can hate USAG and still want to represent USA internationally. The nation and the organization are not the same entity.

  12. I’ve always loved Chellsie. Great gymnast who unfortunately dealt with tons of ill-timed injuries. I think if she tried to come back to do the all around, she’d likely deal with those same injuries again.

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