The Balance Beam Situation

Because gymnastics is a comedy, not a drama

Things Are Happening – November 8, 2019

A. The Internet Is for Skills

First of ly, Simone coughed and the whole world stopped, as is only fitting.

In a festive celebration of Gymnastics Should Be Fun Season, she took to Twitter to say, “This is a double layout off beam, Armine**”

Simone simultaneously demonstrated her savvy internet-tress skills in knowing that you have to put the word “fun” and that emoji in there, otherwise you would have 780 people rolling in like, “THAT’S NOT COMPETITION READY.” Cool. Good analysis.

Also, Scott stole my joke about it, so why do I even do this?

**For the newbies, Armine claims she did a DLO off beam when she was competing, and everyone is like…

And you have a secret girlfriend in Canada too, right?


I guess the Nabieva 1/2 is a thing now.

Bart is doing Cassina to Kovacs to Kolman on High Bart.

Sam hurt his armies on PBars.

B. Cottbus Withdrawals

The withdrawals are rolling in for this month’s Olympic qualifier in Cottbus.

Most significant is the disappearance of Vanessa Ferrari from the latest roster update, of particular importance because Ferrari is currently tied with Lara Mori for 2nd place in the floor standings. Mori remains on the roster for this meet, so the path is now quite clear for her to move into sole possession of first place on floor with neither Carey nor Ferrari attending the meet. She’d just need to make the EF to do so.

In other developments, most of the Israeli team has decided to bounce on this meet, which is not particularly significant for Dolgopyat and Shatilov because they already clinched Olympic spots, but the withdrawal of Medvedev is a bigger deal because he is not yet qualified to the Olympics and currently sits in 4th place in the vault standings.

Much of the Korean team has withdrawn, but since the Korean men qualified a whole team and the women already have Yeo Seojeong and Lee Yunseo qualified…they’re basically set for the Olympics? Shin Jeahwan (currently 6th on vault) is still attending since he wouldn’t make the main Korean team and therefore needs to get in as an individual.

Other withdrawals include Rose Woo and Anastasia Alistratava, but on the addition side, the US men have now noted which events they will be competing (in the last update they were blank), with Stephan Urquelle Nedoroscik doing PH only, but Van Wicklen and Whittenburg both signed up for the other five pieces. OK?

Van Wicklen is currently working a Tsuk double pike with the presumed intent of giving himself two 5.6s.

C. Else

So, like, Shawn Johnson made a person or something? It’s a helpful reminder that I am very out of step with the larger gymternet because I could not possibly be less interested in any of this goop.

Me: But what if it’s a boy and she names it Blinch?


D. College Training

If you’re hankering for your college gym fix…

Oklahoma did a little “we’re good at bars, beyotches” special, Kyla has added a straddle jump 3/4 (D skill) to her beam routine, Denver is vaulting (including Mia Sundstrom working a 1.5), and Missouri is showing off the bars routine from one of this year’s anticipated freshmen, Helen Hu.

E. GymCastic

As we wait for current meets to get exciting again, we’ve entered a short commission season. This week’s entire episode is a tribute to the life and career of Oksana Chusovitina.

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