The Balance Beam Situation

Because gymnastics is a comedy, not a drama

Things Are Happening – August 17, 2021

Are they though? Are they really happening? Not much.

A. Meets-ish

As things stand, we’re suddenly two months away from the start of competition at worlds, which are—I guess—still happening since there has been no word to the contrary. The nominative registration deadline is not until September 20th, and thus far only Spain’s women and the New Zealand delegation have withdrawn.

Japan is full steam ahead about it, having already named its teams because Japan and of course it has. The women’s squad will be Murakami, Hatakeda, Hiraiwa, and Ashikawa (so only Sugihara missing from the Olympic team), while the men’s team is Hashimoto, Kaya, Uchimura, Minami, Asato, and Yonekura. Operation All The Medals looks like it’s still on for the men. I’m pleased to see Minami in the group as he could have legitimately been Olympic floor champion had he been on the team.

In other alleged competition news, the Koper and Mersin World Cups remain on the official schedule for September, with Koper slated to start September 2nd and Mersin September 10th, but no information (i.e., registration list) has been published about them whatsoever. If you hold a world challenge cup, but Chusovitina is retired, does it make a sound?

B. NCAA

NCAA news is beginning to rumble, but we’re still farrrr away from the season being a thing on the horizon.

First, Konnor McClain has verbally committed to LSU, which would be for the 2024 competition season. As for the very recent Olympians, Britain’s Amelie Morgan has been added to Utah’s team for this season to join McCallum and Eaker in their incoming class, while Marina Gonzalez of Spain will join the team at Barcelona West (Iowa State).

Meanwhile, Jordyn Wieber’s master plan to create UCLA South has entered Phase 3 with the addition of Kyla Ross to the Arkansas coaching staff for next season.

Lost among the Olympics was the news that Oklahoma will be joining the SEC, which is going to be a big old deal, but since it won’t happen until the 2026 gymnastics season, I don’t remotely care yet.

As rosters for the 2022 season start to trickle in, we’re being treated to the usual switchies and swapsies, most notably the news of the now-annual Nebraska exodus, with Chloe Lorange, Danielle Press, and Sarah Hargrove absent from the roster for next season.

In new-program developments, USAG is apparently helping to bring men’s and women’s college gymnastics teams to some 16th-century nunnery called Greenville University.

Yeah, it’s one of these: “The University, guided by the historic church’s understanding of sexuality and marriage as interpreted through Scripture and tradition, believes that God created male and female in God’s own image; that the gift of sex is reserved for marriage between one man and one woman; and members of our community should therefore abstain from premarital, extra marital and same-sex sexual relationships.” Yeesh. You seem full of grace and love.

Little Missy, the only thing you’ll be grinding against is the floor mat before your final pass AS JESUS INTENDED. I mostly feel for the men’s team because presumably they won’t be permitted to do flare work since that’s how the devil gets in.

%d bloggers like this: