This week…

High fives were not a victimless crime

And even squat-ons hated squat-ons

I think Jordan was…happy?

But then fell asleep in the back seat and had to be carried in

34 routines got at least one 10.000

And I was SHOCKED to discover some scores were not based strictly on performance

This Brinks Truck meant business

There weren’t enough judges in Kentucky, but we figured it out

And this grip bowed in the presence of greatness

So vault was like, I’m sorry your grip cheated on you, have this

And I, for one, got the full picture

Auburn’s floor music went out three times

Tired: stick crown. Wired: stick upside-down and backwards tiara

UCLA actually got a good score

And Waller gave a post-meet interview

Beware Bearhilda! She hides in the closets of children who miss conditioning

What are you saying about? This is my normal routine

And a live look at me remembering to unload the dishwasher