It’s going to kill us. That’s just a given at this point.
A new study suggests that Claudia Fragapane beam-panic-induced coronary embolisms are currently the third-most common reason for hospitalization among Britons under 30.
But like most unhealthy acts, it’s so worth it.
She’s not exactly afraid of some risk, this little chickadee. If it gets more than five tenths, Frags has already married it. She’ll curl herself into a ball like a little armadillo, pop into the air, and just see where she lands. Same country: optional. No one misses on beam quite like our Frags.
Girl’s not just going to wobble. She’s not going to pitifully bend and lean and hop off like it’s some Russian podium training session. No no. If Frags is going to fall, she’s going to fall.
Commitment. A good, proper, money’s-worth beam fall. That’s how you do it.
But flailing to the ground in a swirl of limbs can only get you so far in this world. (Meaning: nowhere except my heart.) Frags is more than that.
You see, with hilarious falls also come ridiculous—equally hilarious—saves. And in that world, Frags is a true master. She has bestowed upon us so many expressive works over the years. A new Picasso. Millions of viewers from all around the world have glimpsed her installations and said, “Just…how even?”
Of course, we all know The Stanky Leg.
And the world–famous Woman in Blue with Three Windmills.
But there are so many other, less-heralded works to appreciate in which Frags has defied all laws and sanity to stay on the beam.
For instance, there’s My Hips Just Dislocated and Shot into the Crowd, and I Feel Fine.
The Running of the Fulls.
The Spring Fling.
And my personal favorite, Mary Queen of Squats.
In exciting new, historians recently recovered the We Probably Shouldn’t Learn the Samba in this Monsoon diptych.
Though her newest work may be the most revealing of all.
It’s Never Boring, Especially on One Leg.