The boa said not today

The hardest skill was walking

And we learned the truest salute is getting your leo caught in your hair

In other news, Suni joined the Yurchenkos Are For Sad Millennials club

And the judges went

Mats provided very much good help

While this one nearly declared war on Canada

But at least that was the only thing that went wrong for UCLA

This bird was like WERK QUEEN THROW SOME PREY OUT

The Huskies weren’t risking any of those pesky high five injuries

And Abby Paulson set the record for shortest floor

In awesome coverage developments, we all got to enjoy Metroplex

The Big 5 was delayed for an hour because the beam broke

But I have a lead on the culprit

And USA Gymnastics unveiled its new $100 FloSAG subscription service called Flip Now

Now, BRING ME MY VAULTING SLIPPERS

Hannah Scharf’s leap combination exhibited lovely jacket extension and full sleeve

The gymnast must show choreography on a sideward plane

And the kingdom can indeed have two queens