COVID Coping: 2010 All-Around

Today’s journey into the archives of gymnastics goes back just a single decade to the 2010 gymnastics season—the last time you were happy, probably.

On this occasion, we meet the trio in some sort of preposterous sit-down setting with foliage, like they’re doing a Today Show segment on how to host an intervention for your dog.

Elfi’s specialist subject.

Al and Tim begin by discussing Rebecca “Very Same Gym” Bross, who comes from the Very Same Gym. Can you believe it. The VERY SAME GYM.

Very same.

Anyway, the deal with Bross is that she fell on floor at 2009 worlds, end of biography byeeeeeeeee.

Meanwhile: “Men’s gymnastics has Kohei Uchimura. Women’s gymnastics has Aliya Mustafina.”

Al asks Elfi to weigh in on how she DOMINATED that Ann Taylor Loft.

Also whether DIVA Aliya Mustafina is an Evil Diva who is diva. Answer: Much diva. You should probably hate her. She isn’t even a pure American apple pie next door.

OMG THE DIVA IS PALPABLE.

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Things Are Happening – March 28, 2020

Just kidding, no they’re not, obviously. But here’s the latest on the Nothing.

  • The IOC confirmed (in true IOC fashion, with the actual news coming in the fourth paragraph after we talk about how great all the administrators are for six hours) that the Tokyo Olympics would not be held in 2020, but “will” be held by the summer of 2021. Let’s hope so. I can’t take much more of this, and it’s somehow still March.
  • Supposedly, we’ll be receiving the finalized dates for the Nu-lympics in about three weeks. If I were the IOC, I’d select dates as pessimistically as possible because we don’t know anything now and still won’t know anything in three weeks—but experience has shown that I’m definitely not the IOC. Even with an extra year, I’m sure we’d still end up engaging in the biennial tradition of athletes arriving at the Olympic Village housing and posting pictures like, “So, the toilet is on the ceiling and the bed is mice. How. Why.”
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Tokyo 2021?

Well, that’s that then.

IOC member Dick Pound (see, it’s funny because dick means penis) spilled the beans as he usually does, this time revealing that the IOC has decided to postpone the Tokyo Olympics. Neither the IOC nor Tokyo have actually said anything official about that, but this has seemed inevitable and obvious for multiple days now, so we’re all jumping on this opportunity finally to treat it like it’s real instead of dancing around the idea.

Just yesterday, the IOC announced a four-week window in which to make a decision, but that now seems to have been more about determining the logistics of a postponement (which are many, and complicated) rather than actually deciding whether to postpone.

Even before this latest news, the Canadian and Australian committees announced that they wouldn’t send athletes to a 2020 Olympics, even if it were held, and you can be sure none of us would accept the concept of an Olympics without Ellie Black. That was the nail in the coffin.

BUT WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN????

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Conference Championships Fake Live Blog – March 21, 2020

Because we need this. And by we, I mean me.

Today—what would have been conference championships if the NCAA season were still going on—I’ll be blogging a couple of old conference championships as if they were happening live. Here’s the schedule.

Saturday, March 21Video
3:00pm ET/12:00pm PT – 2008 SEC ChampionshipLINK
5:00pm ET/2:00pm PT – 2012 Pac-12 ChampionshipLINK

I’m pressing play on the YouTube videos at the exact moment listed. Do the same if you want to be part of this cool kids sleepover.

Up first, the 2008 SEC Championship.

Georgia has won the last three national championships and Suzanne’s cheekbones are more confident than ever. Georgia comes into the conference championship as the #1 team in the country and de facto host of the event but is critically without Courtney Kupets, who tore her Achilles (again) four meets prior. That development has given #3 Florida, #5 LSU, and #6 Alabama hopes of snatching an upset win.

A whole ELEVEN 10.0s have been awarded so far this season including TWO (!!!!) at Georgia’s senior night last week, team scores have been trending into the higher part of the 197s, and we’re all worried about what this means for rising scores again.

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COVID Coping: 2003 Team Final

Albertricus Trautwig welcomes us the 2003 team final by revealing that Chellsie Memmel is “in the news for all the wrong reasons.”

I mean, did she steal a bank?

No, but Chellsie did receive a last-minute phone call to join Team USA. BIG CRIME HEADLINE.

“Ring ring it’s Martha, hope you’ve been eating your air salad, now strap into that leotard and thin me four events in a team final. okhateyoubyee.”

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