Category Archives: AHHHHHHHHH

Leotard Ads from the 80s

Now, with my DEEP OVERALLS, I feel more confident.
I want a leo that makes me say, “Where’d that puddle come from?”
Every Christmastime I think, what if this candy cane had sleeves?
Caution tape makes the occasion. Leg Up Linda thinks this is what sex is.
Do the butterflies need to be flying directly out of my crotch?
“The Outer Limits of Quality” does not mean what you think it means.
Continue reading Leotard Ads from the 80s

Gymnastics – Does It Still Exist?

For when you’re looking to check in on whether gymnastics still exists.

March 13

The answer to the title of this page is officially no. After completing qualifications, Baku has canceled the finals of the apparatus world cup, per the Canadian federation. I mean, they’ve all been there competing and training together for days, so damage done, but it was hard to imagine that event still continuing while all other sports in the history of ever have been canceled, but it seems this decision came from higher up…

We don’t know what the FIG is going to do about Olympic qualification for the apparatus world cups at this point…and I’m sure the FIG itself doesn’t know either.

College gymnastics is officially ceasing competition for the rest of the season.

The Birmingham World Cup, scheduled for March 28, has not yet self-canceled, but I can’t imagine we’re far off.

March 12

A few hours after the Pac-12 and SEC conferences announced the immediate suspension of all sporting events, the NCAA officially canceled all championships, and other conferences like the Big Ten are beginning to cancel competition for the remainder of the season as well.

The Baku Apparatus World Cup is still truckin’ and the first day of qualification is complete. Stephen Nedoroscik left the competition early, before competing, to return to the US because who knows what sort of hastily organized, reactionary, ill-explained travel restrictions will be imposed between now and the end of the event. That ends his chances of earning an Olympic spot this way unless some drastic change to the qualification procedures is announced.

Rayderley Zapata withdrew from the competition with potentially flu-like things and was taken to a hospital and tested for coronavirus (TBD), so they’re probably really glad they held this competition.

March 11

The Stuttgart World Cup has been canceled. It was scheduled for March 21-22 and was to be the 2nd of the 4 all-around world cups in that qualification series.

The FIG does have a note in the rules that if only 3 events in the series are held instead of 4, then everything goes on as planned with those 3 meets counting. But it’s realllly tough to imagine Birmingham and Tokyo going ahead at this point.

After previously announcing that the event would be held without fans, the Doha World Cup has now announced that the final apparatus world cup in the series will be pushed to June 3-6 (originally scheduled for March 18-21).

The End of a Kerry

We’ll always have all the empowerment.

Yes, the longest nine months in the history of the human timeline (it was only NINE MONTHS) are finally over. The USOC has forced Kerry Perry to resign her position as CEO of USA Gymnastics. It’s a massive relief to everyone, including Kerry Perry herself I’m sure.

Kerry Perry’s brief tenure will be remembered (barely) for Perry seeming totally unprepared for and overmatched by the task presented to her. At a time when USA Gymnastics needed forthright, confident, and rapid change—a clear, drastic plan laid out and followed by someone willing to look like the enemy to the stodgy, hidebound gymnastics oligarchy—it instead got the wishy-washy figure cut by Kerry Perry, one that quickly descended into self-parody with each unconvincing burble of nonsensical pseudo-inspirational tropes and self-help maxims. It was the Pinterest Presidency.

As was continually remarked about Kerry Perry, the worst of it wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t even associated with the organization until the very end of 2017, and yet she constantly behaved like a guilty party. Whether it was misleading Congress about NDAs or the as-yet-nonexistent Athlete Task Force, feigning “little ol’ me?” ignorance about every possible thing, or inexplicably protecting the job of Ron Galimore, Perry made the choice to associate herself with the worst that USAG had to offer. She could have fully cleaned house upon arrival and separated herself from the sulfur of her predecessor, but she did not. Instead, protecting the organization legally by never conceding even a shred of wrongdoing was the only rule of this game. It may be pragmatic, but that doesn’t mean it’s not gross.  Continue reading The End of a Kerry