Category Archives: Great Moments in Gymnastics

GIFCap: Superstars of Gymnastics

For years upon years, famed sports promoter Laugh Track From A Failed CBS Sitcom has been looking for a way to create a new kind of gymnastics competition. Like regular gymnastics, but cool. And you know what screams cool? A little skit. It’s why athletes always make the best SNL hosts, and why their line readings in commercials are always so natural.

Thus, an opioid crisis called Superstars of Gymnastics was born, attempting to answer the age-old question, “What if we had a 6th grade talent show, but where everyone was like, ripped?”

Same, Nush.

Held in two sessions of raucous fun across an entire Saturday…is the opening line of my nightmares.

The first session of Gymnastics for People Who Think April Fool’s Day Is a Holiday began with what can only be described as “if the concept of sexual harassment in the workplace had a speaking voice,” which introduced Simone Biles, whom I hope made one hundred billion dollars for showing her face.

Clearly, Miss Diana Biles took one look at this preposterous display and went

So she just slapped her normal floor routine onto the plate and you’re gonna eat it and like it because she’s not playing your games, like some clown person who clowns around.

In the wise words of Simone’s facial expressions in this GIF, “What the mother of hell is this shit?”

Anyway, Simone fell attempting a double double (BUT WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T WIN THE COMPETITION), which gave her the opportunity to steal the show with this gem.

We did not deserve a line that good.

A start list? Sweetie, you’re not a real meet…

So anyway, HamBiceps came out of retirement to do something called “going golden buzzer.” Continue reading GIFCap: Superstars of Gymnastics

The Amanar Rankings

All the gymnasts who have successfully landed an Amanar in an actual competition, evaluated on execution, consistency, longevity, success, historical influence, and flute recital.

32. Kyla Ross

Every trend reaches its breaking point.

The United States of Amanar had become such a rage in 2012 that it was all, “Kyla Ross NEEDS an Amanar otherwise BOOOOO!”

But like pierced belly buttons, we look back on it now and say, “………Why?” Why would you make poor Kyla chuck this vault?

31. Simona Amanar

I mean, you got it named after yourself.

30. Jay Jay Marshall

Randomly showing an Amanar at JO Nationals and then not again after that is a badass move, but it’s rotated around based solely on prayers and loses points for infrequency.

29. Anna Pavlova

Well you got it around kind of.

28. Jiang Yuyuan

Jiang gets a couple extra points for landing the vault pretty well on this one single occasion, though by the time the Olympics rolled around it was not happening. She had to be pulled from vault in the TF so as not to risk the gold.

27. Tatiana Nabieva

Sweetie… Continue reading The Amanar Rankings